grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
