tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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