Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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