I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
