dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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