I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
