Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bring me that man meat
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
