I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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