Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
