he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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