I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
