Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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