Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
