my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i think im in europe. pls send help
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