you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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