I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
