you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
