i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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