I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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