I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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