I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
