Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Randomize
