Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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