i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
