if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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