And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
