I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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