He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am one with the molecules
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
