My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i dont even know how to be here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
my poor anus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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