you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
