i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
