Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
