I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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