I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
