you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize