I wish I could teleport
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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