She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
