is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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