Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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