I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wear drunk well.
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