Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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