if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
