Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
