How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
