Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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