I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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