I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
