Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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