all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
