just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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