Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
