This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
