Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
