HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
