Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
