Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
