you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
