It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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