I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
