he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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