I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
