I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
