is your mom at the bar?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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