just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up