I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think about you every night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.