Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
