I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.