He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!