My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.