If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down