Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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