There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
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It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.