there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
