i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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