Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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