Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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