There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
