Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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