This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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