u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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