We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
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