the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
