Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize