fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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