I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
