Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
