She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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