Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
4 words: hood of his car
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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