I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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