What did we do last night that was yellow?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
