it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
