the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
